I feel old...

Me: When I was a kid, I got a Nintendo for Christmas one year! (1988!)
Kate: Yes, and was it a Wii?

True dat

Kate: Girls can't pee on trees, because they have vaginas.

Beer + preschool = have to go home

Kate was packing two Smirnoff Ices into her preschool backpack.

Me: "Uh, what are you doing?"

Kate: "I have to bring some beer and I need one for my cubby and one in case I have to go home."

Not exactly....

Me: "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?"

Sam: "I do?"

TMI

Kate was quizzing Sam on body parts.

Kate: Sam, where is your penis?

Sam: My mouth?

It's a legitimate question

Me: Kate, I like your weiner dog pajamas.

Kate: But where are their weiners?

Context is not important

Kate: Now I'm probably going to put it in your butt.

X-rated

Nick: How do you know Dumbo's a boy?

Me: Uh, I guess it's his huge elephant penis?

Kate: NO, she has a huge elephant vagina!

Oops I did it again

Kate: I want to be a dancer when I grow up.

Me: Uh, what kind? Ballet dancer? Tap dancer?

Kate: No, a Britney Spears dancer.

I feel so much better...

I told Kate I couldn't leave her in the pool to get her a snack.

Kate: "It's ok, I won't drown. I'll wait for you at the bottom of the pool so that I'm safe."

Slowpoke is now a synonym for semi-truck

Kate: "When I grow up, I'm gonna drive a car, and a bus, and a train, and a slowpoke."

Not a bad idea...

Kate, after her first visit from the ice cream man: "I wish that there was a snack man."

Jimmy Buffett would be proud

Me: "I hope daddy enjoys getting up with you at 5 am."

Kate: "Well, it's 5 o'clock somewhere!"

Inappropriate

Kate, walking around with a screwdriver: "I screwed everything, I have to screw everything!"

Helping my self esteem

We were looking at my high school ID and I commented sarcastically that I looked really hot.

Kate, picking up my college ID: "Well, this is when you were not so hot."

Helping my self esteem

We were looking at my high school ID and I commented sarcastically that I looked really hot.

Kate, picking up my college ID: "Well, this is when you were not so hot."

I think I'm the third one

Kate: "Some people call them trucks, some people call them semis, and some people call them slowpokes."

I don't think I'd like that

Kate: "I wish toilet paper was like ice cream."

I guess he's mine

At Walmart, we split up. Nick took Sam and wandered off, leaving me with Kate. Soon we heard crying.

Kate: "That's YOUR screaming child."